Hellos in the Real World

If you can remember back to my past post from months ago, it was entitled: 'The Brink of the World'. What has happened since then? Well, how much time do you have? Or maybe I should ask that question to myself, since more than one thousand papers and assignments await my grading (the first grading period ended yesterday and this all needs to be done this weekend). However, if you do not know me too well, something that I have impeccable skill with is to overwhelm myself at the last minute, which might also be known as procrastination. I don't like that word so I will stick with "overwhelming myself at the last minute". :-) With that said, now is of course the most opportune time for me to dust the cobwebs off of my blog and write an update.

So, back to the question: What has happened since then? My last post was June 19 and today is September 24, so summer happened. I think we are very fortunate, in California at least, to be able to actually see the seasons change. The summer months serves as a rejuvenation period for me. Autumn, Winter or Spring may be yours, but summer is mine. And this summer continued to prove that to me. Although I started off with emotional goodbyes with my very first class and to some of the best people I have grown to know and love in Santa Barbara, I was blessed with many more hellos. These hellos have helped me transition from 'The Brink of the World' to 'The Real World'.

Hello. A simple word that serves as a greeting to something or someone. For the past three months, I had the fortunate opportunity to say hello to both animate and inanimate things. I said hello to my summer of firsts: my first time going on a roller coaster, my first time jumping on a trampoline, my first time going to the SB bowl and SB zoo, my first time playing disc golf, and my first time on a carnival ride (I realize this makes me sound like I had a very deprived childhood but I did not)... On the inanimate side of things, I had the fortunate opportunity to say hello to new relationships, success, the growth of babies, and moving to another country. "Wait a minute", you say, "what do you mean the growth of babies and moving to another country? You did not move to another country and definitely did not have a baby to see grow." You are right, I did not. But, people that I love and care about have. Their hellos are my hellos too.

Yes, I will have some crackers with that cheese. Not only do I "overwhelm myself at the last minute" but I am also a very cheesy girl. For those that I am close to, I think about often, and live vicariously through their lives, not because I am unhappy with my life or anything, but because I like to put myself in their shoes to see what they might be experiencing, even if it is just for a moment. Facebook has been helping with this "putting myself in my friends' shoes" thing, with all the pictures that my friends post. I get to see what it is like to be a loving mommy and see a baby boy grow, to be a future mommy, to live in Vietnam and Spain, to be engaged, to be happily married, to move to a new city, to get a job...these are all hellos. Everyone's hellos are my hellos, too.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said: "In a real sense all life is interrelated. All men are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be, and you can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality."

I cannot tell you what you ought to be or what you should be, but I know what I ought to be and want to be. That is to be a teacher. (Yes, you saw it coming...I brought it back to teaching). I jumped off that cliff of safety. My toes are now setting footprints in the Real World. I said hello to my first interviews and hello to the waiting game. Then I said hello to my first real job and my first real pay check. I can't explain the feeling of being able to do what you love to do. But I do want to say that I truly hope you experience this in your own life, either soon or one day, if you have not already. The five days a week that I get to wake up and see my students is something I long for, even though I am exhausted and/or frustrated at times. It has only been six weeks but the students I have met, I have surely grown to know and love. I learn from them every. single. day. Each of my students has a story that I am slowly getting to know and understand, which proves to me that everyone has a story to tell in this world. Everyone. I owe them much already and strongly hope that they take the power of knowledge with them, even if they may not remember how to write thesis statements or know the definitions to vocabulary words, but to be curious, trustworthy, and caring individuals. With this, I hope that they find out what they ought to be in life.

It is a crazy out here in the real world, but this craziness is something that I would never change or trade for anything else. I would like to requote (not a word but I am using it as a word) a quote that one of my past students said, "Life is like a roller coaster, it has its ups and downs u just have to get through them and hold on..." At this moment in my life, I am not holding on from fear anymore, but holding on to all the precious hellos...

Thank you to all my family and friends who continue to support me, love me, and most importantly, for riding on this roller coaster with me. Your hellos are my hellos too. :-)

Natalie

The Brink of the World

If you were to record the things that I have said for the past month, it would sound like a broken record. Some key words/phrases would be: "omg graduation", "I don't know what I am going to do after I graduate yet", "I don't like good-byes", "I have to write my Masters", "I am going to miss my students", "I miss my students."

In retrospect, I might have said some of these phrases a little too much. So if you are reading this and thinking to yourself, "YUP, I for sure heard her say that. Many times", thank you. Honestly. It makes me think of how fortunate I am to have people in my life who continue to be there to listen to me, talk to me, and support me no matter the circumstances, even if I do sound like a broken record-- a high pitched broken record.

Being in college and away from home for the past five years has truly been a wild ride. There were times when giving up sounded like the best thing to do yet also the most stupid thing to do. I have had successes coupled with failures, sometimes two-fold, and then experiencing the inevitable emotional roller coaster ride that goes along with the two. I have had times which I laughed until I cried and times when I could not cry even though I wanted to. For the first time, I felt what it is like to miss someone. Also for the first time, I felt what it is like to change someone's life. One statement that I agree wholeheartedly with is: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Sometimes you gotta roll with the punches and sometimes you gotta put up a fight. That strength is knowing when to stand up and fight or walk away with confidence and poise. I have a lot left to learn and know that college has been only a small chapter to my "unwritten book of life". Although this chapter may be a short one, it is filled with deep and meaningful content, mainly due to all the great people I have met along with those who have continued to stay with me from my past chapters of life. Even though I may not see some of the people I have grown to care about or have been inspired from, I am okay with it because I will take the memories with me wherever I go.

As most of you know, my life revolves around school. This may initially make you think that this is something negative because who wants their life to revolve around school? But it is something that I choose to immerse myself in because it makes me happy. I have been a student for the past seventeen years of my life and playing the role of a student in a formal school setting is closely coming to an end for me. I say formal setting because I will forever be a student but not as someone sitting in a desk or a lecture hall. We are always learning- that is just human nature. We are all students learning from the world around us. Even as a teacher, I am a student because my students teach me something new everyday.

What is next and what I am most excited for is applying all that I have seen, learned, and heard thus far in my life as a teacher in a classroom. The change in the role of student to being a full time teacher is exciting yet scary at the same time, as I begin to slowly take my toes off the brink of the cliff of safety and take off into the real world. For the first time, I do not not feel like I have a parachute to help soften my fall but I am okay with that because I have a fortunate experience of 22 years of education and support of family and friends to help guide me in all directions.

I would like to end this post with six-word memoirs written by my students. Each of them has a story and these six-word memoirs they wrote meant a lot to them and it means a lot to me.

Faith can lead to greater things.

Live up to your own expectations.

Learn from your mistakes, move on.

Can’t predict the future; embrace it.

A big future but little dreams.

Life’s like a storm, prepare yourself.

Passion for something, can sometimes hurt.

Life surprises you, deal with it.

Life’s a joy if you’re happy.

Life is only eat, drink, play.

Adrenaline is my drug for life.

A boy lost in his world.

I’m a victim of Babylon System.

Live life like it’s your last.

Do not fear anyone but yourself.

Life’s a challenge, make it last.

Keep look out; world is coming.

I love to pet of cats.

What’s having money without good health?

Live in the moment without regrets.

Trust is love so keep believing.

Life is a story never written.

World of imagination does not disappear.

My loving brother leaves for Afghanistan.

-- Written by students in World Lit class June 2011

My first blog: My inspiration

I have decided to keep a blog. Before you continue reading, know that I am not an amazing writer. I strive to be and try my best to constantly surround myself with literature and writing, however, let this be a warning that what you will be reading is myself as a writer-in-process. Since this is my first post in my blog, I felt it appropriate to tell you the reasons why I am keeping one before you become lost amidst all my scattered thoughts as time goes by.

The first time I contemplated about keeping a blog was about two years ago, but I never went through with it. There is the typical excuse for this that I am sure many are familiar with: no time. I think it is a bit ironic that I have finally decided to keep a blog at a point in my life which I have never been so busy. Time was not the real excuse then. Now I see that it was reluctancy and a tiny bit of fear.

Many things have inspired me to write: my family, friends, strangers I meet, sights I see, music I hear... The life I see through my lens continually amaze me and I want to have a place where I can share this, even if it is only for myself. I do keep a journal, but I think that having a space where I can type will encourage me to write more, since I am on my lap top the majority of the time anyway. A fellow dorm-mate of mine from freshman year of college has also inspired me greatly and I don't think she knows how much inspiration, happiness, and smiles she has spread through her writing and website. Check out http://www.365faces365days.com to see and read what I am talking about.

The main source of inspiration and motivation for my blog is a group of people that has changed my life forever. They instill that fire within me that keeps me energized, glowing, and happy. They make me want to wake up everyday. They teach me things that I have never thought about. I am challenged everyday to think critically. They make me laugh, nervous, cry, worry, smile...you name the emotion and I most likely have felt it. This amazing group of people is my students.

Teaching is the best job in the world! If you would like to know why, I would be more than thrilled to tell you reasons. Before we sit and talk about why, I would respectfully like to ask the first question: How much time do you have?

Although none of my students would probably ever see or read this, I am dedicating this to them. They have inspired me in ways nothing or no one else would ever be able to do so. For this, I am truly thankful. Here goes nothing!